Tag Archives: nintendo

The Princess Better Save Herself

Every so often, Nintendo gives modern gamers a famicom, Super Mario Bros, and the original instruction booklet, and let them go at it. This year 90% failed to finish world 1-1.

We watched the replay videos of how the gamers performed and saw that many did not understand simple concepts like bottomless pits. Around 70 percent died to the first Goomba. Another 50 percent died twice. Many thought the coins were enemies and tried to avoid them. Also, most of them did not use the run button. There were many other depressing things we noted but I can not remember them at the moment.

I know it’s depressing, but playing SMB on the emulator just now, I sucked just as hard. I have also never beat it. What type of king sends a couple of plumbers to rescue his daughter instead of sending in the Royal Marines? Maybe one that’s in with goombas?

I understand why the gamers skipped over the instruction manual. Modern “manuals” are worthless. They’re pretty much two pages of disclaimers and an incomplete picture of a controller. Mandatory tutorials are much better. I also shed no tears for having to draw your own maps. However, complaining about lack of weapons, and bottomless pits are just stupid. We live In a world where video games are full of dubious “achievements”, purchasable overpowered power-ups, and games where you autoheal. It’s kind of depressing.


UPDATE: Wed Jul 10 04:39:19 CDT 2013
Play me off, Keyboard Cat.

The Lynching of Mario

Mario, was a recent Italian immigrant, just trying make a living cleaning drains and fixing leaking pipes. No one paid much attention to him at first, but as the number of recent arrivals from Italy increased, tensions in the community grew.

On that fateful Saturday, a rumor spread that Mario had been caught trying to force himself on one of the town’s beautiful blonde maidens, Peach. Gathering clubs, the townspeople gather outside the small cottage that Mario shared with is brother, and demanded Mario to be sent out. When they refused, they broke through the door, and beat Mario’s brother so hard that he remained in the hospital for a week and almost died.

Mario was dragged from his home, and hanged in a near by tree. As hung there, slowly strangling, men and children would beat him until he died, and then continued to beat him until his body broken and torn.

After the lynching, doubts about the rumor began. Some even say that the rumor was started by an rival plumber with a vendetta. The truth is now lost.