It’s 2032. Astronomers confirm that asteroid 2024 YR4 will impact the Earth unless a diversion plan launched immediately.

After some convenient, and unprecedented Supreme Court decisions yielding more power exclusively to the executive, and robustly expanding the supremacy clause, along with unsubstantiated claims of fraud and voter intimidation on both sides, Donald J Trump is ending his third term as President of the United States. He is expected to serve on as Republican Party Chairman. He has yet to name his standard bearer.

Astronomers from around the world are calling on all counties with a heavy lift capabilities to coordinate on the development of nonnuclear defector satellites. Astronomers from the Union of Space Astronomers of the United States of America (USAUSA) notably dissented claiming that foreign scientists are trying to direct funding to them rather than American scientists through fear mongering.

On Truth SocialX, His Excellency, President Trump truthed: 

Foreign SCAMICYSTS are trying scare me into giving them YOUR MONEY. American BORN scientists called them out!

Russia pledges one booster, with the promise of more to come. Observers believe this booster was either already built, or near completion. The pledge of additional boosters is seen as empty, as Russia has not demonstrated the ability produce any additional boosters in the time allowed.

ESA has two boosters that can be used. They can provide two more boosters by the time the launch window closes.

India offers their latest experimental rocket for use. While appreciated, no one wants to rely on an untested rocket’s maiden flight.

China announces that ten rockets could be constructed and tested for the diversion attempt.

NASA has no rockets to provide. NASA stopped developing rockets, instead relying exclusively on SpaceX’s commercial rockets for all launch capabilities. Regardless, NASA never had construction capabilities. SpaceX, the world’s leader in commercial launch capabilities, is believed to have twenty rockets available for use by the launch date. However, when asked on Truth SocialX if SpaceX would donate launch capabilities for the asteroid deflection attempt, Councilor Musk truthed:

🤣 🤪 This is a business. If they want to waste their money on this fool’s errand, I’ll be happy to take it, but I’m not foolish as throw my money away on this 💩

Weeks pass, and SpaceX has not pledged any boosters to the “Asteroid Rescue” campaign. Councilor Musk recently claimed on Secretary Rogan’s podcast, that he would like to donate, but can’t due to maintenance issues, and the fact that companies have already bought every available launch until 2040. He’s obligated by law to honor their contracts, even if that means not helping.

In a CBC Newsnight investigation, the consensus view among OSINT and space watchers is that the estimate of twenty available rockets is a conservative availability estimate. SpaceX already has 30 boosters, with another six in production, with production expected to remain steady for the next four years based on historical trends. 

Newsnight also identifies public statements where the six companies that account for half of SpaceX launches donated their rockets to the cause. The other half of SpaceX launches belong to Trumplink, the joint Trump-Musk venture formerly known as Starlink. His Excellency, President Trump, Councilor Musk, and Trumplink were unavailable for comment.

World astronomers and politicians plea for Trump and Musk to release the rockets. His Excellency, President Trump speaking from his home in Mar-o-Largo, “All this negativity. I don’t like negativity. I like positivity. Positivity. You know how nice that sounds? Positivity? You know why I like to surround myself with positive people? Because with positive thinking, you can do anything. Seriously. Anything. Do you think I’d be here, your favorite and greatest and longest serving president ever, if I thought I couldn’t do it? Do you think for a minute I’d be this rich if I had one doubt? Of course not! Not even the haters — and I’ve got a lot of haters — think that. Well maybe some of the dumb ones do, but the… the… I don’t want to say “smart”, because they’re not smart. Let’s call them, “not so dumb”. The not so dumb ones know it’s true. In their hearts they know it’s true. So that’s all we need. Don’t be gloomy. None of this, ‘Boo hoo! We’re all gonna die!’ Nonsense. It’s going to be fine. It’s going to miss. It’s not just not going to miss, it’s going to miss because it’s not even there. They’re just lying to scare me into turning back on the gravy train. They’re still mad that I got rid of those marxists.”

Chinese president Xi Jingping announces increased production has given an additional 10 rockets beyond what was initially projected. Furthermore, they are releasing the designs to Arine to manufacture in Europe. This is because the Chinese design is simpler to manufacture, and thus can increase Europe’s contribution, if manufacturing switches to this design.

North Korea stuns the world with three boosters that meet the throw weight criteria.

Three months before the final rocket must be readied for launch, Councilor Musk truths,

The fact is, they lied to you. They wanted me to lie to you, but I wouldn’t. There was never any chance to deflect it. Our only hope is to make it to Mars. That’s why I designed a sustainable habitat. A colony. The diversion rocket is a sham. It’s meant to make you feel good, like we tried everything and lost. They want us to die. They hate humanity. They say everything bad that happened to Earth is due to humans. They’re extinctionists. I said I’d hold my rockets if it turned out I was wrong and they could help, but now that the window is closed there’s no reason to hide it anymore. We’re going to Mars! Humanity will survive on Mars!

A flashy media campaign launches showing renders of the colony, “Elontopia”. At the media event, bipedal robots, presumably a worker droid for the colony, but no one from SpaceX would say precisely what they represented and if they were available today, served drinks. Comparisons to Tesla and Councilor Musk’s optimistic pronouncements that did not come true are whispered. 

The Department of Justice announces a criminal investigation into the finances of an ABC News producer that attended to the media event.

A month from launch, Asteroid Rescue announces that they have enough rockets and payloads for the diversion. Furthermore, they have developed a backup plan that uses Russian and Chinese nuclear weapons if this mission fails. For the first time in years, people around the world feel real hope.

SpaceX proceeds with a unique double Starship launch. Councilor Musk truths, “We’re saving humanity!” along with a video clip of the mineshaft gap discussion in Dr Strangelove, particularly the part where Sr Strangelove says that they’ll have to have sex multiple beautiful young women… for the good of humanity of course.

No other launches take place.

The diversion mission is successful. In the aftermath, China becomes the launch provider of choice. SpaceX is seen negatively by the public, and launch customers cancel contracts and shift launches to China. Congress passes a law demanding that all companies doing business in the United States, must procure launch services from an American company. Only two American launch providers exist: SpaceX and Blue Origin. US standing in the world further declines. His Excellency, President Trump’s critics claim this is the monent China became the undisputed super power in the world.

His Excellency, President Trump claims positive thinking by him, and all his American fans, saved the day.

Hungarian President Victor Orban, and Dutch Prime Minister Geert Wilders, send official statements of thanks to His Excellency, President Trump for all he did to “keep the world great”.