Robot Monkeys

Whenever I think that nothing Fox will do will surprise me, they manage to dig a ditch an get just that much lower.

The great thing about Fox & Friends is just how unabashedly “fair and balanced” it is. The hosts are such horrible hacks, but even then I didn’t think Roger Alles would let them stupid to essentially juvenile graffiti. Photoshopping photos of people you don’t like.

Wow. Just wow.

Uhura comes in Red Rock with a tethered hands free while carrying the phone in his hand.

Good thing he splurged.

Reward for al Qaeda in Iraq leader, Abu Ayyub al-Masri, now $5,000,000 $1,000,000 $100,000.

I find this incredibly bizarre. It’s as if he’s a stock, and his price fluctuates. If he plans some more car bombs, does the price go back up? Probably not. Part of me suspects that this is part of a move by the administration to whitewash Iraq. “We’re making progress! The reward for Abu Ayyub al-Masri went down! He’s not as valuable! Of course this is simply an arbitrary value assigned by fiat, but don’t worry your pretty little head about that. It’s not like we’d ever manufacture a story, and then cite it in order to deceive anyone! We’re making progress; that’s all you need to know.”

I was called a “hipster.”

Of course, I was at DevHouse at the time, but the guy that said it wasn’t a loser geek. And I was wearing threadless shit and my custom Timbuk2 bag at that time. In fact, it was the bag that prompted the comment. (”Hey, you’ve got one of those bags. I see a bunch of hipsters have those. How is it?”) Geez, all I need is a fixie, and I guess I’m in total hipster horror. (Mark (Yes. That Mark Storer.) has a special hatred for hipsters on fixed gear bikes, and their ilk at Pergolesi.)

It just blows my mind. Jonathan Koren: “hipster.” Wow. What happened? Growing up I was pretty loser geeky. Not completely irredeemable, but close. In college, I hung out with pretty much just engineers. Not the loser geeks, but not the coolest kids by any means. As I told Andrew recently while watching “Superbad,” “As big of losers as these kids are, they are a thousand times cooler than I was in high school.” He was rightfully shocked.

I’ve always suspected that my taste in music sucks, and that I don’t own the number of CDs as someone should (This materialistic inadequacy comes from the fact that between 1992 and 1999, I owned a total of 14 CDs.). Now multiple people have asked for copies of my mp3 collection. What the hell?

I guess it just is more evidence that my Epiphany was correct. “Cool” is just an attitude.

I heard about these document organizers Yep and Leap, and wanted to check them out. So I google yep. I a bit surprised (but probably shouldn’t have been) that that were image results. I was a bit surprised (but again, shouldn’t have been) what the top result was.

(Yeah, its a guy with his dick hanging out.)

So I was looking at the CNN website and saw two icons sitting next to some of the headlines. One icon was a movie camera, which I knew meant it was a video link. The other icon is a t-shirt. Yes. You can get a t-shirt for selected hard hitting, breaking news stories like, LBJ Tapes reveal sudden about face.

So, why am I supposed to take CNN seriously again? And why can’t I get a t-shirt that reads “350 feared dead in Myanmar cyclone” or “Relative: Incest suspect served time for rape”?

All I need to do is figure out what they’re md5 hashing, and I can make my own!

Here’s my initial experience with the Microsoft career site.

You log in with your Hotmail/MSN Messenger/Passport/LIVE!/Rumplestiltskin/whatever-they’re-calling-it-this-week account. (FYI MS Marketing: STOP TRYING TO BRAND. You obviously have no idea how it’s done. You can never create a coherent and powerful brand identity, if you keep changing the name of every product you have. Stop. For the love of whatever god you’re delusional about, just stop.) Logging in with that account is a bit weird, but then it gets really weird.

They want your email address, which is fine, and a bit ironic given that they want you to use a hotmail account to log in, meaning that Microsoft already has an email address for you, but whatever. Right underneath the email blank is the following:

I would like to hear from Microsoft about products, services, and events, including the latest solutions, tips, and exclusive offers. YES / NO

I would like to hear from Microsoft Partners, or Microsoft on their behalf, about their products, services, and events. Share or use my details with Microsoft Partners. YES / NO

What the hell is this? You’ve offered me a job, and now you want to spam me? Fuck you Billy G. Fuck you to hell. Paul Graham was right.

Someone doesn’t understand links.
Click here for the website of someone who doesn’t understand links.

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Yes. When I think, “How can I unsubscribe from the this email listserv?”, I think, “I’m going to write a letter!”

There’s a whole slew of these Transformers PSAs, and they’re all legit. The thing is, I don’t remember any of these.

I also like the fact that they saved money by not paying the writers twice, but rather just had it all animated and revoiced. Lame-o.