Robot Monkeys

Going into McDonald’s today I noticed that they were doing yet another giveway, but something just didn’t seem right. It seems lame and amaturish. It looks like a giveway by a company that can’t really afford a giveway. (For what it’s worth, last quarter or so McDonald’s posted it’s first quarterly loss since it went public. Is it related? Probably not, but it makes for an interesting context none the less.)

First, the giveaway is entitled “Winning Time”. For years McDonald’s giveaways were crossmarketed with Milton Bradley. Now instead of “Monopoly” or “Scrabble”, we’re given the generic sounding “Winning Time”. Next, the signage poorly designed. The title signage is sparse, but the prize placard is cluttered, with logos and description crowded together with lame descriptions that read (and typset) like a second grade lesson on rhyming.

PEEL the right game piece, & you could WHEEL away in a brand new 2003 Corvette®!

Yes, McDonald’s wrote “peel” and “wheel” are in all caps. The worst part is, they’re not even good at rhyming, as seen with this gem:

GET the right game piece & you could NET a trip for 4 with the opportunity to meet Venus & Serena Williams in West Palm Beach, Florida!

Sorry Ronald. While “get” and “net” do end with the same letters, they’re pronounced differently.

So what can one win by playing “Winning Time”? Why, strange hodgepodge of some standard prizes and some bizzare, and surprisingly cheap prizes, what else?

Cash

It’s a standard prize, but instead of the standard $1 million paid over 20 years, you can only win a maximum of $100,000.

Corvettes

A staple of high profile corporate contests for years.

1 Million Airline Miles

Airline miles? Isn’t that something my credit card gives me? Not only is it not a trip, but they’re miles on United. Isn’t United near bankruptcy? What the hell am I going to do with a million miles on a defunct airline?

Rent a Winnebago

Huh? Am I 80? Not only is it a winnebago, but if I win, I don’t even get to keep it. It’s only a rental.

A Cruise

Another classic.

Meet Venus & Serena Williams

You go to Florida and meet them. It doesn’t say anything about tickets to tennis match, just that you meet the sisters. Hopefully the meet takes place at a McDonald’s.

Meet Kobe Bryant

This is just tickets to a Lakers game. Not the finals. Just a game.

Meet Tony Stewart

This is what they call tickets to the Dover 400. Tickets to a NASCAR race is a fine prize, but it’s noteworthy it’s not the Daytona 500, the premier race. I’m probably just being picky though.

2004 NCAA Final Four Tickets

Now we’re talking!

Maid Service

I’ve never seen this as a prize. Now maid service sounds like something you’d want, but do you really want some person wearing a polyester uniform you’ve never seen before riffle through your house?

A Computer with One Year of AOL

This is so 1982. A computer costs what? $600? $700 at most? Then Mickey-D’s doesn’t even have to shell out for the AOL service since it tends to be included on a lot new computers. They might as well say “Comes with Microsoft Windows!”

A PlayStation2 and Five Games

PS2 is about 3 years old. It’s cachet has passed. This prize reeks of a fishbowl drawing in small town.

A Cell Phone and $100 of Airtime

Why are you making me change my cell phone serice? This isn’t a prize. It’s a punisment.

Food

Well, duh.

With a few execptions, these are raffle prizes. What happened to London getaways? Rodeo Drive shopping sprees? The jet skis? A trip to Disenyworld? A million dollars? How can have a national giveaway and not give a way a million dollars?!? It’s strange. It’s sad.