The monkeys know all.
Before it was no blacks and no Jews. Now you have to satisfactorily pass a English test to play in the LPGA.
“This is an American tour,” [Kate] Peters [of the LPGA State Farm Classic] said. “It is important for sponsors to be able to interact with players and have a positive experience.”
So last night I was watching Family Guy, and at the end of the episode Peter gets a medal for saving the bartender at the Drunken Clam’s life. The scene is parody of the final scene of Star Wars, complete with Chewbacca, C-3PO, and R2-D2. Then it dawned on me. I watched the original scene countless times, but only now did I actually see the scene.
Chewie got screwed!
Now remember, at the end of the Star Wars, Luke, Han, and Chewbacca all walk down the aisle toward Leia, who is standing there next to the old guy that planned the attack on the Death Star. All three walk up the stairs to the stage. Leia gives Luke a big ol’ medal. Luke looks over and sees a shined up C-3PO, and a fixed and polished R2-D2. Leia gives Han a big ol’ medal.
Chewie mutters something. Leia smiles at Chewie. They all turn to the audience. Roll credits.
Chewbacca doesn’t get a medal! Worse yet, he’s not even allowed on the top step. He’s a standing the step just below the stage. What the hell?
Han and Chewbacca fly Luke and Leia back to the rebel base on Yavin IV. Han attends the mission briefing and decides it’s a suicide mission. He and Chewie load up the crates of credits on the Falcon and take off. Saying, “Screw you guys. I’m goin’ home. Money ain’t no good to a dead man.” Luke and the rest of the rebel pilots take off for the Death Star.
We all know what happens next. Luke is closing in on the small thermal exhaust port, just below the main port. Darth and his two wingmen and closing in behind him. Darth starts to get a bead. Then BLAMO! The right wingman is hit with a hail of laser blasts from above, and goes careening into Darth’s TIE, causing him to sail out of the trench. “You’re all clear kid! Now take your shot and let’s go home!” Han calls out.
Now this is a key point. Han AND CHEWBACCA are on the Millennium Falcon. As seen previously, someone has to to fly the Falcon, and someone else has to get into the turrets to shoot the guns. Now I don’t remember if Han is in a turret or cockpit when he radios Luke, but frankly, it doesn’t matter. Han and Chewie had to work together to save Luke and the Rebel Alliance that day, but only Han gets a medal. What is this, speciesism?
Chewie got screwed.
This puts Chewie’s comment on stage at the medal ceremony in a new light. Instead of, “You look pretty,” or something equally benign, it’s “Where’s my medal?” To which Leia just giggles at the sheer absurdity that a WOOKIE would get medal. That bitch! She’s lucky that Chewbacca is so even tempered. Wookies have been known to tear the arms off of people when they get angry.
At the medal ceremony, Chewbacca says something while walking down the aisle. I suspect it’s something like, “What’s up dog? I’m getting a medal!” Luke gets his. Han gets his. They turn. Chewbacca calls out twice from the lower step. “Did you see that!? I just got screwed!”
