Robot Monkeys

So I moved.

I now live down by the beach instead of the base of campus. Essentially I moved from one end of the street, all the way to the other end of the street. That’s not the point of the story, but it does begin to set the scene. Today I was out walking in front of the apartment building right by my house, and there was this guy standing there talking to these two girls. In front of them was a python. The guy owned the python, and was letting it “run” (”slither”?) around on the ground for exercise or something. I stopped to watch the snake. Afterall, how often do you get to watch a snake? So the guy is there and chatting with girls about the snake. How long he’s had it. What he feeds it. (Rats. Originally frozen rats. Then he switched to live rats, but he stopped after his wife complained that one time one of the rats screamed as it was being killed, so now it’s back to dead rats.) He seemed friendly enough, but it was just small talk about his pet.

He had buzzed hair. Not off. Just short, but not really really short. Like 3/8 inch or so. It was brown, but it was turing grey. He had pierced nipples and tattoos all over his back and a couple on his front. Not all that unusual given Santa Cruz. They were a bit old, since they turned that green that tats do. They weren’t that high quality. Just run of the mill, mediocre tats. One of the tats on his back caught my eye. Across his shoulders was was an eagle, but with really wide and narrow outstretched wings. Was that the Nazi eagle? I looked again. No. It was too curvy. It was more like an American eagle, but kind of in that pose, and it didn’t have the wreath with the swastika in it. I chalked it up to just kind of a crappy eagle, that fit with his crappy flamethrowing motorcycle that dominated his back. Then I noticed the tattoo across the small of his back. That one was unmistakable. In gothic caligraphy, it said, “WHITE POWER SKINHEAD.”

Apparently it wasn’t a crappy American eagle, but a crappy Nazi eagle, or maybe a deliberate rendering of the American bald eagle as the Nazi eagle.

He seemed affable. The tattoos were old. He was going grey. Maybe he was a racist skinhead before, but then grew up. Like Edward Norton in American History X, but without the prison rape. I chalked it up to that, but somehow that wasn’t satisfying. I eventually walked on, and then another thought entered my head. Oh yeah! I’m white!

While searching for photos to use in an example on why even the simplest hierarchies suck. I came across this.

Nothing says love like having your treasured pet’s skin peeled off and glued on a fiberglass frame, which you then hang things off of for your amusement.

FYI: Yes. I was looking specifically looking for photos of pet taxidermy when I came upon this.

From http://medicaladoptions.com/

“Even though I’m in good health, I have a number of health risks and can’t face the risks of long donor lists. My young son from Uzbekistan is smart, ambitious, loving, and young enough that I’m sure to be safe until he turns 18 in 2022.”

Micah J. – Medina, Washington

Obviously a joke, as the “celebrity clients” links to dailycontempt.com

BBC reports:

Hindu hardliners say the project [to dig a shipping canal between India and Sri Lanka] will destroy what they say is a bridge built by Ram and his army of monkeys.

Scientists and archaeologists say the Ram Setu (Lord Ram’s bridge) - or Adam’s Bridge as it is sometimes called - is a natural formation of sand and stones.

I don’t know which I like more. The fact that the Archaeological Survey of India had to withdraw it’s report due to offending religious zealots, or that this article mentions a monkey army.

Monkey army! Monkeys in armor all lined up, perhaps with flags tied to their tails ala samurais. Instead of archers shooting arrows, monkeys flinging their own poo. Aww yeah.

“Go forth my monkey army and leave no village unrazed!”
eeek! eeek! eeek! *salute. scuries off*

Coming from Horowitz, I’d take this as a compliment.